SIVA SHAKTHI. THE PRESENCE OF SILENCE

It is amazing how the Truth is speaking without uttering the word. All words are artificial and useless when it comes to describe the experience of Love. And what the first thing I'm doing? Writing! Thinking! Rationalizing! It's so hard to say goodbye to intellectual blah blah. Definitions. Thoughts. Projections. To sooth the ego. To get to stillness and silence. Just to be. To let your heart talk to God only. Without words. To be like Krishna's cow, instinctive, patient and silent. I don't need anyone to TELL me, because I KNOW!
In Tiruvannamalai, small Indian town at the feet of holy Mt. Arunachala, Siva Shakthi lady gives her darshan. Small, old and insignificant, you would think, but soon after she appears in the room I feel the wave of Love which sweeps my breath away and makes my tears run. Her beautiful face calm, her eyes intense and shiny, her inner light glowing. She only stares. She only does small hands gestures. Nothing more. And there is no need for more.
All profound healing is made in silence, in concentration and mindfulness. And everything comes on time. Whenever I need this particular experience it will inevitably come to me. Or I come to it. Even though all the ashram and guru culture is totally alien to me, one morning I had a feeling I have to see Siva Shakthi. And even though I felt it strongly, I got lazy and almost missed the whole thing. Thankfully, I went. The experience was immediate and profound. I felt my heart chakra opening painfully. That's what the Guru does, he or she opens you. Yet you cannot hold on to this light too long, because it's addictive and the work is not done. When the chakras are opened, that is only a start. Now there is a time for cultivation and harvesting. To let go of I want, I expect, I hold on to. To be in the presence. To feel the oneness. To get over the negativity. And start now.
It was wonderful to be in Her light. But my true guru is an Indian landlord of a place I'm staying. Alcoholic, aggressive and demanding, with whose presence all my senses and feelings are abused, my traumas surfaced. My Work starts here. To cultivate compassion instead of separation. To acknowledge the addict, the aggressive, the needy one in myself. To love my own shadow in this awful Indian man. That's what Siva Shakthi has just told me. Without uttering a word. ---