ORPHANAGE

For many years I didn’t like children. Not that I hated them, just felt uncomfortable in their presence and I used to say that the only child I like is my own… But even this was not the whole truth. The knot in my heart disturbed me to love my own son as he deserved. Then I discovered the term ‘inner child’ and what’s behind it and started to work with my own hurt and sad little girl. It has been hard work and probably not finished yet, because when Irene asked me if I want to go with her to one of the Chiang Mai orphanages she often volunteers in, I was both scared and delighted by the idea… And yet not sure will I go there to heal my own traumas or to volunteer for children?

So one Sunday afternoon I entered the orphanage on Wu Lai Road wondering where is Irene and what I’m gonna do with all those children… The moment I approached the doorway few kids run towards me with their hands up to hold them. So I did. And then I had a thought which almost made me cry that there is not many such wonderful things in this world like a child’s hug… Then immediately my heart opened up, I stepped down from my adult pedestal and was trying to be there for them. I sat or lay down on the floor and let them pull me, embrace me, crawl over me, spit chewed rice with meat on me… Watching their smiling, frowning, crying, sleepy or energetic, but always true faces made me want to take them all home ☺

Having in my head all those cliche pictures of poor children in orphanages which TV usually shows on news, I had thought that this might’ve been sad experience. It wasn’t. Even when kids cry it’s temporary or it’s just the way they seek for attention, but anyway it’s much more smiles than tears there. I had thought the kids might’ve been treated badly. Not at all. Women from the staff are lovely and cheerful and they take care of kids with a sweet tenderness. I had also thought that after some time with kids I might be tired, but I was leaving the orphanage with a feeling that it was another way around, that there were kids who overwhelmed me with their wonderful energy…

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